Yesterday I became a Teen Mom (as in a mom of a teenager). I'm using the American spelling because that seems to be the preferred tongue these days. Examples:
Following a sudden rise in my temper, "Things sure do get heated 'round here."
Following everything the younger brother ever says, "Shattap."
For me, hardcore parenting starts here. I now realise everything else was just a warm up. Yesterday I rolled up my sleeves for the nitty gritty, hands dirty, stinky, sweaty, armpit of the job. But I'm prepared. I'm armed with two classic pieces of literature that teach me and my son everything we need to know about the turbulent years ahead.
The first is my favourite poem IF by Rudyard Kipling, which we all know and love, don't we? And which, framed and arranged in such a teenage friendly manner makes a very stylish dig at their dwindling morals. It's also a great feel-good gift to give, right after he's unwrapped the latest edition of Grand Theft Auto.
The second piece of prose I will be referencing regularly throughout the next five years, was wrapped and sent to me by my son's Godmother; my best friend from school who is also a mother of sons and herself fast approaching the third trimester of parenting. (Following baby phase and fun phase in case you were wondering).
We must roll with the hormonal surges. We must make sarcasm our friend. We must spare a thought for the vulnerable younger siblings and we MUST stock up on frozen chips.
In fact, I loved this book so much I feel inspired to leave you with my own parody following a successful first multi-teen sleepover last night. It goes like this...
IF you can fill the fridge within 60 seconds of coke gone,
Yours is the Earth, and everything that's in it
And what is more, you'll make a great TEEN MOM.
Are you a Teen Mom? Can you offer me any pearls of wisdom? I'm all ears, please get in touch via the comments section. What's that... it's hell you say? "Shattapp".