I'm 41 and if there's no Terry's Chocolate Orange in my stocking on Christmas morning there will be tears. That's milk Chocolate Orange for the record.
One year my parents gave my sister and I the dark version and there was beef. Like all family crisis', we met in the kitchen to decide the appropriate course of action.
"But we ALWAYS have MILK chocolate orange," I whined as I tapped and unwrapped more aggressively than usual over family Trivial Pursuit. "Did you forget?"
"Perhaps Sainsbury's ran out?" my sister offered weakly, I felt it gave them a get out.
"FFS!" Said my mum. (Since she learned the Queen swears there's no stopping her). "Does it even matter?", she shrugged stuffing 2 segments in at once and swilling it down with a double brandy.
Here's where agreed to differ for the sake of the kids witnessing a full on family brawl before watershed. See, getting the chocs right at Christmas DOES matter. It matters A. Lot.
You only have to look at the furore surrounding the scandalous double spacing of Toblerone triangles to see that we Brits do not like our chocolate traditions fiddling with.
And that's when I realised. Right there, as I hovered incessantly over the Like button on a Facebook post documenting the gradual demise in the size of Quality Street tins since 1980. I had joined the army of pathetic, fully grown adults who were stuck in a chocolate rut.
I cannot allow this to happen. I loathe ruts, even chocolate ones. I insist upon moving with the times as absolute basic practice, the ultimate life goal of course being to find oneself ahead of the times more frequently than not.
So lock up the mint Match Makers. Feed the Ferrero Rocher to the dog (if they'll eat the evil little suckers). We are updating our festive chocolate supplies as of NOW and there's not a Lindt Reindeer or a Roses Caramel Keg in sight.
Yes, I will weep on Christmas morning if there is no Terry's Chocolate Orange in my stocking, but they will be tears of joy and on 2 counts:
1) It means my husband actually read my blog.
2) Hopefully the orange will have been replaced by one of these thoughtful chocolate gifts that are far more representative of my on-trend/progressive nature where candy (house or otherwise) is concerned:
1) Chocolate Cacti
2. Chocolate Flamingos
3. Chocolate Avos
4) Chocolate biscuits
Happy advent all.
P.S Did you know that chocolate coins were also passe? These days kids deal in dollar. Let me know if anything in this blog post disturbs you!