This is fast becoming my most overused abbreviation of 2016. Here’s why.
It’s been confirmed that Kate Moss’s recent dalliance into interiors via the swish multi-million pound Cotswold development she worked on last year is about to become her new career. If Carlsberg did houses... know what I’m saying?
I feel like there’s really no point me trying to be good at interiors any more. I’m only going to be disappointed when I see Kate’s gaff and realise mine looks rubbish. And what a shame because I was only just starting to think that I’d got the hang of it ... found my vibe... become un-Basic. Is it over before it’s even begun?
FFS No. ‘Cos that would involve giving a fuck (GAF). And GAF is so absolutely, utterly 2015 in its outdatedness (and co-incidently so very Un-Mossy) that it just cannot be appropriate for this year’s cool interior scene. As Sarah Knight, author of soon to be bestselling book, The Life Changing Magic Of NOT Giving A Fu*k, (£12.99 www.amazon.co.uk) will tell you, it will only hold you back creatively.
So, you see, the only way to keep up, to stay current, to stand out in the cut throat, last-year’s-pineapples-are-this-year’s-lemons world of interiors is to decorate your home whilst Not Giving A Fu*k (NGAF) about what other people think.
I won’t pretend this badass/laissez faire attitude will come easy to me. I am a mother. GAF is my job. Instead I will try insanely hard to look like I could NGAF. At. All.
Here's what I’m trying to NGAF about:
1) Continuing to like white.
Pause for dramatic effect.
There I’ve said it. I still like white. Even though I’ve joined the armies of Colour Is God advocates on many occasions and pledged my allegiance right here on the blog. The fact is I still haven’t gotten around to painting my dining room that deep, fashionable dark blue and I’m really not sure I ever will. See, I’ve tried really hard to see what’s so bloody passe about white, honest I have, but I just don’t get it. It goes with everything - and that helps when you are forever changing stuff around as I am. It also looks clean - a novelty if you live with 3 footballers and a four legged friend. I DO love colour and will continue to push my boring boundaries I promise, but look, in some cases I’ve found nothing looks as good as brilliant white walls married with
... sharp intake of breath...
2) Brilliant White Woodwork.
Shocker hey? You won’t tell Farrow and Ball will you? They totally do GAF about this and I know because the lady in the Harrogate shop slapped my hand (actually) when I showed her a picture of my hallway with its expensive Lattice wallpaper, it’s fancy Pigeon hues and it’s "SO TACKY" white gloss woodwork.
Tough tits I say. It looks prettier that way. Besides, it’s the only way I can afford to buy the flippin' wallpaper in the first place. And I LOVE wallpaper. So much so that...
3) I will continue to overspend on wallpaper.
I’ve tried a LOT of wallpaper. And I can conclude that the best kind, both in terms of design and quality is the posh stuff. I disagree with a lot of expensive paint manufacturers who believe the same can be said for emulsion. Come on, admit it. You can get nice paint, in nice colours and with lovely tonal qualities without spending a fortune. Wallpaper? Not so much. Which is why I will be allocating more budget to wallpaper this year than furniture because guess what...
2) Shabby Chic is fine.
Who says it’s out? Maybe it’s been given a new name, but vintage, up-cycled, second hand, bashed about furniture is going nowhere. In fact I’d go as far as to say it’s an essential element to nailing the Mossy/Cotswold/Supermodel-in-the-country-look. Remember her sell out Top Shop line of 2014? I bought into it via a sparkly sequinned cape of all things... Me in a sparkly sequinned cape (insert LMAO emoji here) But this is how I learned that Mossy magic happens when you mash up. See, with battered denim, sequins look a dream, bridge all age gaps and become instantly appropriate for any occasion. With a satin slip dress they look like Lilly Savage in rehab. I can only assume this is the way Kate Moss Interiors will work too. Luxed up cushions on battered sofas. (Although damn it, I bet she can work a Lilly Savage frock too). Which reminds me. I’m also NGAF about...
3) Over accessorising
Bring on the wall sconces, all the golds, multiple bud vases, tassels on your lampshades. Chandeliers... well obviously - who does't like a chandelier right? This is not a look my husband approves of, so the answer? Bring it where he least expects it... bathrooms, hallways, kitchens even. For some reason it’s more modern here. In fact it works as art. Not to be confused with...
5) Actual Art.
Which must be everywhere. And hung in a NGAF fashion wherever the hell you like. Huge focal point canvases, collections of gilt framed prints, ironic portraits of the pets. Hell, frame the kids scribbles if you have to. Who’s going to care about my cheap white emulsion when they’ve got gorgeous pictures to look at?
FFS buy art.
So what do you think to my 2016 attitude? And more to the point, my decorating choices? Couldn’t GAF? Man you’re good. Don’t worry about the Mossy thing, you’re going to be fine.
One thing I really do GAF about? Your comments. Without them I’m talking to myself and that’s not only very uncool, but ever so slightly embarrassing.
Hope to hear from you soon :)