The new 50 Shades movie opens this weekend and I'm biting my lip with excitement. This calls for a refresher course on a few basic rules of S&M. Simple & Monochrome masterclass? Step seductively this way:
Rule 1) There are no grey areas. When you mix black and white, you get fabulous. Understood?
Rule 2) Invest in the right kit. This style is all about attention to detail. Visit on-trend retailers such as www.bodieandfou.com for art prints and accessories guaranteed to satisfy your needs.
Rule 3) Take it like a man. This can be a masculine world. If you like great big, flouncy florals, hit the panic button.
Too harsh for you? Start soft and delicate. Think period details...
…and art print walls
Rule 4) Dare to bare. Naked windows, check. Stripped floorboards, check (all the better to hear those stiletto heels) Leave your slippers at the door.
Rule 5) Keep it kempt. Monochrome maniacs are all about order. Books? stack 'em. Clutter? Clear it. Maintain some discipline, got it?
www.boconcept.com has some awesome storage solutions that can help you get everything stylishly under control.
Rule 6) Look natural. You know you've nailed it when even your mess looks stylish. But beware - pared down minimalism is an art form. If you have to try too hard to look this good, you don't make the grade.
www.loaf.com Does a neat line in laid-back luxe to help you relax into the vibe.
Rule 7) WOW me. It might be an expensive, state of the art music system, or the odd designer chair … (I will be disappointed if Grey doesn't own a Le Corbusier) £3,126 from www. healssofas.co.uk
For actual take-your-breath-away beauty you really can't beat a bespoke chandelier…
No billionnaire budget? Try this for starters: Only £90 from www.ikea.com
Rule 8) Know your limits. In the bathroom…
tiles by www.firedearth.com
In the bedroom…
Woods wallpaper by www.cole-and-son.com
The beauty of S&M is that you can take this theme wherever you want. But work it your own way for maximum effect. Not everyone can live with a zebra skin in the hall.
Walk on the wild side or go Moroccan monochrome here: www.made.com
Rule 9) Relax.
Remember - you are free to leave at any time and return to your Cath Kidston bedspread. Simple & Monochrome is your choice and it's not for everyone.
Rule 10) Absolutely. No. Lip-biting.
Not ready to commit? Let's talk about it...